I wanna passion pit in your ass
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
