I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
