I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize