Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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