I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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