A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
