so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
