i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize