my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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