I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
