Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
