I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
