My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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