you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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