I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
