There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
