Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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