i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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