Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
