I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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