Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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