Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
