hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
