census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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