My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
