I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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