Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
