Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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