I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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