Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
