I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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