I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
