So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
