Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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