How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
