Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
