His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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