Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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