Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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