You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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