oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
