I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
