I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
