Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
