i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
