I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants are for mortals
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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