my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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