fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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