So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize