he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
