There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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