Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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