I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
