I accidentally had phone sex last night
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
