does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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