you guys were way drunker than both of me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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