I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
