I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
