I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
